bloodlies

It was only fantasy to think that i deserved an ounce of happiness. To think, "you've been through shit, its ok to smile once in a while" But no. today, reality has dawned. I've been told the truth, been given a lie. a whore, a lying bitch. I am. I suppose. I never wanted anything to go wrong. I just wanted to smile, and be like the rest, to laugh, to play, to tease, to be.... happy. I was wrong to think I would deserve such wish. He makes me smile, he makes me want to live, to breath and laugh.... but, maybe, its not right anymore. what am i going to do? I just wanted to be with him. I can't believe i dared to smile. Dared to enjoy life, dar

Ok so, lets see. Much has changed since my last blog. Uhm..... Let's see where to start.... oh ok. Well, as far as the best friend issue, it has been resolved. There are still issues but its bearable. We aren't back to the best best friend thing yet, but We'll get there. She hangs out with this chick I highly disslike, so its sooo awkward. But I'm dealing. Uhm. I had a boyfriend back in Feb. but we broke up a month later. Haha. it was so ironic because it was the day before our one month, we broke up. It was ok and I handled it considerably well. Actually, I was meaning to break up with him the next morning. I hate internet break ups, so I

Okkkk soo, I've been feeling incredibly shitty the last two days. But not when I'm around a certain someone. I think, I'm thinking too much into things. And well, as My past shows, I tend to think very bad things. I really wish that I could just cut open my skull and take out most of my brain, so I can do the normal functions, but can't think. It would be simple. Ugh. I hate myself. I'm always sooo self distructive..... I don't know. I guess, well. yea, I am. So, again, last night, I went back to my old ways. God kill me. I did it. And FUCK! What am I gunna do. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how long I could hide it; I don't